I slept all night, something I couldn't even manage at home. Of course at home I didn't have a catheter in my bladder either. I didn't care for the fe...ling of it, but it did make life easier. I could only imagine how interesting it would be to have one of those while I drank beer in a bar.When I awoke that next morning, I was rested for the first time since I arrived at the hospital. I was also ravenous. Sometime during the night several of the bags of fluid had been removed. I tried to wait. Sweet, tender, hesitant. We must move on. Must go. Must get my brain in gear.We leave the airport for the 30 minute drive to the villa, thank god for Google Earth. I have done this journey so many times it's like coming home, but with more hills. We finally talk, just little things about the flight. So long, no sleep, tired, two weeks to relax. All the usual things when you don't really know what to say. Not wanting to break the spell.Finally we arrive, its just getting dark but we can make out. We began chatting. I found myself opening up to him about the choices I had made, and the decision I had also made to do it again. We quickly realized that there was more to this than a casual chat, we shared so much more that just being on the same sight and enjoying reading and writing stories. There was a deep spiritual aspect to our connection, both of us sharing a very strong faith. He began to gently probe deeper into why I had made the choices I had. What had brought me to this. My fingers flicker against soft fur.Still plump as the day we met, I bury my face in the teddy bear -- the same bear I received from Zack on the bridge -- and take him to bed with me. I burrow into the blankets and curl in on myself, squeezing the stuffed animal as my body conjures more tears to spill. I’d think it incredible if I were capable.Crying on the shoulder of the inanimate object who witnessed the years I shared with Zack, I cling to the memories.The most remarkable thing about him.
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